WMATA, you rock, but not really.

Washington Metro Area Transit Authority, you've had it coming. This rant should be no surprise. WMATA, I've given your 30s bus line a chance since April of last year. There are the 30, 32, 34 and 36 buses and they all suck (except the 34 bus that arrives at my stop around 8:50 - "around" being loosely defined as 15 minutes before or 15 minutes after the given time).

I have never been a part of the WMATA bus driver training course, but I am taking a wild guess at some of the rules/procedures:

1. Wait at the Friendhip Heights Panera until 3 other 30-something bus drivers show up. Eat more than one cheese danish while waiting for said drivers. Gossip with them for 10 minutes. This session will allow four buses to show up at a stop at the same time.

2. When patrons complain about the fact that they have waited for 20 minutes for a 30 bus and then 4 show up, curtly explain that traffic on one of the bridges was backed up. This will confuse and shut the patron up since the 30 buses don't go over any bridges.

3. Driving at a normal speed is unacceptable. One must drive at Keanu-Reeves-"A-bomb-is-on-the-bus" speed or at Morgan-Freeman-"Driving-Miss-Daisy" speed. This successfully frustrates or scares the shit out of both patrons and car drivers.

4. Drive past bus stops with people, even though the bus has plenty of room. This will both perplex current riders and the piss off the skipped riders.

More speculated rules to come....